Finally, The End

-Are the Oscars really using Foo Fighters in a movie montage. And technically that Saving Private Ryan clip takes place in France. That America montage was a tad unfocused.

-I love the dead people montage. I'm not quite sure what that says about me.

-I am shocked, shocked that Helen Mirren won

-The show is running long and they're still doing those dopey interpretive dances?

-Is Peter O'Toole wearing a paisley smoking jacket?

-I'm sure it's a fine performance and all, but Forest Whitaker's semi-lazy eye freaks me out a bit. And I used to have a lazy eye.

-Do you think they'll riot if Scorsese doesn't win? Well at least people will quit their bitching now about him not winning.

-Seriously, the bald Jack Nicholson is freaking me out.

-Whatever, Departed producer. Nobody cares about you, just get on with it.

Well that was fun(ish)

Still the Oscars

-Did they just make a Volver-ine joke? Really?

-Can we pick up the pace guys? It's getting late for us east coasters and I have to get up early for work tomorrow

-I'm not surprised at the Little Miss Sunshine screenplay win because the screenplay categories are usually when they honor the small quirky movies

-That is a much better dress on Jennifer Hudson than the brown thing. Bonus: no shiny tinfoil jacket. Although her boobs are pretty jiggly while she's dancing

-This Beyonce dress is much prettier than the other tacky one. And the guy they're singing to is much hotter than Jamie Foxx.

-I think Beyonce may be having a seizure. I mean she usually gets into her singing, but this is ridiculous.

-Melissa Etheridge looks tiny next to Queen Latifah and Travolta. And the Dreamgirls people are pissed again. The original song category was their best shot!

Guess What, More Oscar Thoughts

-Did that Dancing With the Stars promo just call Ian Zierring a 90210 hunk? Please, he was the least hunky actor ever to appear on that show, and that includes Joe E. Tata.

-No way that a documentary about dancers or pianists is going to beat one about AIDS. The only subject that trumps AIDS is WWII.

-Oh Nick now hates Jerry Seinfeld

-Clint is not doing a very good job of reading his lines. Oh apparently he forgot his glass. Dude's old.

-That composer didn't win for the Good, Bad and the Ugly score? That score is iconic! I didn't know what movie it came from but totally recognized it as the ultimate Western score.

-Shouldn't Celine be in Vegas with her octagenarian husband?

-I'm going to guess that Happy Feet wins because everybody loves penguins. And I'm right.

-That was a very enthusiastic introduction, Affleck

-I want Borat to win because the speech would be hilarious, but I don't think a mostly improvised movie should win for screenplay

-Ok the live mannequins in the costume segment are also creepy. She won for Chariots of Fire? Isn't that movie about running. How exciting could jogging clothes possibly be. The Marie Antoinette costumes are fabulous.

-Oh it's Tom Cruise. What's that nutbag doing here.

-I'm sure she's a great humanitarian and all, but clearly Sherry Lansing is a fan of botox

-Oh it's those creepy interpretive dancers again. They should have just done the dance from the end of Little Miss Sunshine, cause that was awesome

-Naomi Watts' dress would be pretty without those weird sleeve things

-I know that technically movies from Canada are foreign films, but come on.

-Since when is Snakes on a Plane worthy of an Oscar mention

-Why are you so shocked Jennifer Hudson? You won every other pre Oscar award. And wait for George Clooney! I wouldn't waste any opportunity to get close to him.

Oscars Again

-Man is this Cars song boring. Where's, "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" when you need it.

-I would get annoyed with the "An Inconvenient Truth" lecturing on the screen behind Melissa, but since the powerpoint lecture is kind of the whole moview, it's actually kind of clever. Ok that's pretty short, that can't be the whole song.

-Oh look, Al Gore being "funny"

Even More Oscars

-Oh don't applaud the conducter, he's been kind of an asshole, playing off the winners

-Ok this sound effects thing is just creepy. And I'm not sure I buy that they're really doing all of that

-Ok, that was a pretty good sound editing joke, because I totally thought something was wrong with my TV for a second.

-So sound editing is for the foley stuff? Then what's sound mixing? I'm a bit torn because I wanted the Apocalypto guy to win because he's been nominated 18 times without winning, but I also don't want anything connected to Mel Gibson to win anything. Plus the guy who won is so boring.

-Yay, now we're getting to the real awards

-Mark Wahlberg's like thanks for bringing up my juvenile delinquent past, assholes.

-These are really short clips. Is this how they're saving time

-And it's the first upset of the night. Eddie Murphy is pissed. Alan Arkin is hilarious in Little Miss Sunshine

-How does one get into interpretive dancing? I think you have to be at least a little off in the head.

More Oscar Goodness

-Odd Will Ferrell introduction. And now they're singing. That's pretty awesome. The lesson learned, musical numbers are pretty awesome when performed by guys with jew fros and not choreographed by Debbie Allen

-Jaden Christopher however many other names he has Smith is adorable but is a little too eager to rush out on stage. Poor Abigail Breslin could barely keep up. But they are both adorable.

-I now really want to see that West Bank Story short movie, that looks awesome!

-I like how they're getting all the really boring categories out of the way early

And So It Begins...

Here's a little Oscar Stream of Consciousness

-Aww, that was sweet opening film, especially for like the short film people, cause nobody cares about them

-I wonder who gets stuck way up in the balcony

-It's nice to see Ellen really dressed up

-That is the awesomest handlebar mustache I've ever seen

-Is Jack Nicholson bald? Is he now taking styling tips from Britney Spears?

-Abigail Breslin's dress is a little too pretty, pretty princess for me, but when I was 12, I might have worn the same thing

-Ahh the red states are going to hate that Al Gore joke. However, I and all the other Hollywood liberals love it.

-Who doesn't love a rousing gospel number?

-Well the Pan's Labyrinth Art direction winners just answered my balcony question. I don't think they let the other art direction winner talk. That sucks for her, but is probably a blessing for the rest of us.

-Oh no! Interpretive Dancers

The ABC Pre-Show

-Cate Blanchett is very shiny

-Andre Leon Talley is wearing a Dracula cape in that Jennifer Hudson segment. It takes a secure man to pull that off

-Why is Patricia Field wearing a gigantic cold token. I hated the work she did on Sex and the City, but I have to admit that the clothes in The Devil Wears Prada were perfect.

-Aww, Ryan Gosling brought his mom and sister. He's hot and sweet. I'd do him.

-Who knew 15 years ago when Marky Mark was dancing around in his underwear, he'd one day be an oscar nominee?

-I love that color on Kate Winslet. She always looks amazing.

-Reese Witherspoon never looks bad, but she most always looks boring. And tonight is no exception.

See you at the main event.

What Were They Thinking?

-Why does Kirsten Dunst always wearing the weird granny outfits? And there are feathers.

-I'm not sure how I feel about Gwyneth's Dress. I like the color, but I don't think it's very flattering on her. And the front of the dress makes her look kind of bulgy. And she's a toothpick! But at least it's interesting.

-Beyonce's dress is tacky, tacky, tacky. At least she will probably be changing three times during the ceremony, as she is wont to do.

-I really hate Jay Emmanuel and his stupid telestrator.

-This was my visceral reaction when I saw Nicole Kidman: "Aaaaah." I actually said that out loud. First of all, that dress is red. And I usually love the color red, but damn is that red. And what's with the that weird bow thing? Whoever is going to be sitting behind her is going to be pissed.

Oscar Pre-Show

Just a few initial Oscar fashion thoughts:

-Why is Jennifer Hudson wearing a space age bolero jacket? It just looks tacky?

-Portia DeRossi looks fabulous. Her dress is sleek and simple without being boring. And she's like eleven feet tall.

-JLo is wearing like a 50's pageant dress. It makes her look dumpy, which is no easy feat.

-Penelope Cruz looks gorgeous as usual, and I'm glad she doesn't have the crazy big hair which she is sometimes prone to do, but it looks like some kind of fungus is growing at the bottom of her dress. I'm not whether that makes me like it more or less.

-Cameron Diaz looks like she took a table cloth and like stapled a dress together.

-What is Jessica Biel doing at the Oscars anyway? I mean do they not know that she was in Stealth? Or Blade Trinity? Anyway, now that she's there, I like that she's wearing color, but I'm not crazy about the belt.

-The crawl at the bottom of the E! pre-show is both fascinating and irritating. For example, Taylor from CA says, "Ryan! Marry Me! Do you think he or she is talking about Seacrest? Because I just don't see any other Ryans on the red carpet. I think this "Taylor" is either Seacrest's manager in a desperate attempt to make him seem desired or it's Nick in disguise.

-Rachel Weiz wants you to know that she has boobs! Also, her necklace looks like a Christmas tree ornament.

-I love Jada Pinkett Smith because she never wears black. I know black is the most flattering color to wear, but it's the most boring to look at.

-Maggie Gyllenhaal is looking uncharacteristically elegant and dignified. She usually looks a bit unconventional and disheveled.

-What is Celine Dion doing at the Oscars? And does any one else miss the backwards suit? I mean, sure it was butt ugly, but that's what make it fun.