Emmys, Emmys, Emmys

So it's been a little while since the last time I posted. Fine, it's been over a year. So I thought I'd jump back in on a subject that I happen to know a bit about: Television. Specifically, the Emmys. Now I don't pretend to understand the crackhead Emmy process or the crackhead Emmy voters, but I thought I'd blog my insightful comments about the pre-shows and the ceremony. And by insightful comments I of course mean petty bitching.

The E!, TVGuide, and NBC Pre-Shows
-Ryan Seacrest is such a tool but I love how obvious it is that he and Giuliana can't stand each other. They pretend it's fake, but you know it's real.
-Virginia Madsen has breasts and she'd really like you to see them.
-So does Jean Smart.
-Oh my god, the Carters (aka Nick, Aaron, and siblings) now have their own reality show. Why?
-Katherine Heigl and Allison Janney looks gorgeous. I know shocking, but they both have that whole old school 30's and 40's glamour thing going on.
-Sandra Oh's outfit however looks a little too fussy for me. Too many ruffles, too much jewelry
-I'm also loving Helen Mirren. Her dress matches her hair! That's some color coordinating.
-Chandra Wilson also looks fabulous. I'm loving the read. I also seem to be loving most everything so far. I promise some negativity soon.
-Joan Rivers looks plastic. Cheap shot, but there you go.
-I would get pregnant right now if I could guarantee I would look like Heidi Klum. That must be why she's been constantly pregnant for the last 3 years. I would hate her but I've recently become obsessed with Project Runway, so I find her kind of delightful. Damnit. Where IS my negativity.
-Patrick Dempsey's hair is slightly less McDreamier than usual. I'd still do him though.
-Seacrest can't stop staring at himself in the monitor.
-Someone give Kim Raver a sandwich now!
-I love Jenna Fischer (from The office) and she looks gorgeous, but I'm not sure about the color and the dress is a little too long.
-I think I may hate Billy Bush more than Ryan Seacrest. That makes me want to cry. There are few things I'm secure of in this world, but my hate for Ryan Seacrest is one thing I'm sure of.
-Tim Gunn! I don't usually go for older gay gentleman, but I could listen to him talk all night. Have I said too much?
-What's with Maria Menounos' Maleficent Sleeping Beauty collar?
-I hate to disagree with the almighty Tim Gunn but I'm not crazy about Sarah Chalke's 70's bridesmaid dress.
-Ellen Pompeo would also like you to know that she has breasts, but since she's usually the size of a q-tip, they're a nice sight to see.
-Jamie Pressley looks quite lovely and not at all like white trash, which is a bit of a surprise.
-Oh Seacrest, stop pretending that you don't don't know who all of the designers are. Nobody believes you.
-Poor Simon Cowell. He's clearly not getting a cut of those American Idol millions because he can't even afford a shirt with all of its buttons.
-I love Kathy Griffin's dress. It's a gorgeous color.
-Kate Walsh is very shiny. She looks kind of like a disco ball. But in a good way.
-Oh Jeremy Piven. An ascot? Is that ever a good idea?
-Sean Hayes' date looks about 12. I really hope she's his niece or something.
-Well it's not Paula Abdul's outfit. And that's about the best thing I can say about it. She's clearly drunk though, and that's always fun.
-And for the last time: Shut it Seacrest!