The List

The most fun I've ever had at any job, involved a little something called, The List. Although, sadly, I was not involved in starting The List, I came to fully embrace its intoxicating pleasures for it involved two of my favorite things: complaining about rude and/or stupid people, and wishing them bodily harm. The two guys who originated The List envisioned a tv show where they wore armani suits and brought out people who annoyed them one by one. They would then proceed to beat the crap out of that person. When they were finished, they would through 50 dollar bills on the person and say "Clean yourself up you dirty bastard." Yeah, I don't really get it either.

For the next few weeks people were rushing around to add to The List. No one was safe. We put down specific known individuals, groups of people, celebrities, random customers, and even ourselves. In fact one of the founders of the list was numbers 27-76 on The List.

The list grew to over 400 entries and 5 pages before The List fervor finally died down and eventually extinguished.

Until now.

I don't care about the armani suits or 50 dollar bills (although if someone were to give me some violence-free, I wouldn't complain), but there are so many people who need some sense knocked into them and by God I'm just the person to do it. And when I say knock some sense into them, I obviously mean complain about them anonymously over the internet, so here we go (and warning: many of these will be bookstore related).

1) People who stay in my store (or any retail outlet) with young children after 10 p.m. Kids need sleep and lots of it, a minimum of 12 hours a night. That 7-8 year old girl that was in my store until 10:45 last night, should have been in bed by 9 p.m. at the very latest. This particular family is there every Friday night and I suspect it is because they want their daughter to wake up later than usual so they themselves can sleep in. While that's not the most heinous parenting ever, it's pretty selfish and I hope parents who do this are rewarded with particularly difficult teenagers.

2) Parents who sit and read magazines, or wander off to another section of the store while their kids run around and tear apart our children's department. This is not your home or a daycare, this is a public area and a place of business. I was fairly spoiled as a child, but my relatives would have been appalled if I tried to get away with half the stuff that these kids do. And then I would have gotten my ass whooped. We have to damaged out so many books that a child destroys because his or her adult supervisor is not paying attention to what they are doing.

3) People who refer to the monster from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein as Frankenstein. The doctor who made the monster is named Frankenstein, the monster itself has no name. That's part of what makes it so tragic. And scary. Yes I was an English major. What of it?

4) People who tack the word "At" on the end of a sentence as in "Where's the maps at" (yes that is actually something someone has said to me.) Now despite the English degree, I know that my grammar is not perfect, but this absolutely drives me up the freaking wall.

5) Paris Hilton. I hate that I live in a world where everybody knows who she is. Even before the whole sex tape thing I knew who she was and I hated myself for it. She has done nothing but be born rich, partied, and dress skunks.

6) People who don't tip enough. I always tip a minimum of 15% and add to that for escalating degrees of good service. Not only is this simply what my parents taught me to do, but even the worst waiter/waitress I've ever had was about 10 times better at it then I could ever be and I'm just grateful that I'm not doing it. The tipping rules vary accordingly to different kinds of services (haircuts, pizza delivery, bellhops), but these other services require adequate tipping as well. It's the classy thing to do.

There are many, many more who deserve to be on the list and I will continue to add to it periodically. So those who piss me off, watch your back.